In recent weeks, it’s been impossible to turn on the TV, pick up a newspaper, or listen to the radio without being exposed to a measure of worry or fear. Change is always scary, and big change more so—especially when people feel it’s out of their control. Increasingly, we’re living in a world of raised heartbeats and fraying tempers. Acceptance is declining, patience is at a premium, and name-calling has become an international sport. In a word, we’re afraid—and fear is never a good foundation for constructive conversation.
The thing is, nobody gets through life without hitting up against things that scare us. There are obviously the big fears, like losing our health, our security, our rights. But everyday fears are pretty real too—starting or ending relationships, changing careers, buying a house, moving to a new city, having kids, resolving conflicts. Regardless of its source, fear pushes us into a fight or flight response—and when we’re driven by survival instinct, we’re a heck of a lot more likely to react viscerally to perceived threats rather than making considered decisions that truly align with our long-term goals.
There’s no question that fear has its place in the vast pantheon of human emotions. But when we let it run rampant, we’re doing no one any favours—not ourselves and not society. That’s why we owe it to ourselves and each other to learn some strategies for moving beyond fear. Here are some that have worked for me:
1. Monitor your mind
I spent years in a state of low level fear, so I genuinely understand how debilitating it can be. The practice that ultimately freed me from the habit is one I use to this day when fear rears its head. Here’s how it works: First, I pay attention to the scenario fear is painting for me. Perhaps it’s telling me my business will fail, or a cherished relationship will fall apart, or I’m too old to accomplish my dreams. Second, I acknowledge that whatever scenario fear has conjured up, it’s simply one projection of the future. In essence, I admit that I’m making shit up about what the future may bring. Third—and here’s the fun part—I decide that if I’m creating a fake future, it might as well be a good one. Seriously. Instead of imagining my business will fail, I might as well imagine that it will succeed beyond my wildest dreams. Instead of imagining my relationships will fall apart, I might as well imagine they get stronger and more intimate. Ultimately, this is all just a play going on in my head—which means I get to control the fantasy.
2. Breathe through it
While it’s possible to change your mind about some visions of the future, not all fears dissipate so easily. If you’re facing a persistent fear, or one that has a fairly solid basis in reality, it’s not always possible to “imagine” it away. In those cases, I find it helpful to watch the path fear takes through my body. I watch my heartbeat elevate, my breathing constrict, my skin get tighter. I watch all the things that clench—my jaw, my fists, my neck. I watch the tendencies that arise—the desire to cry, to hide, to drink. And then I breathe through the whole damn thing. Ultimately, fear is an emotion moving through my body. It’s a bunch of electrical energy hurtling across my synapses. It’s just a feeling—and like every other feeling, it’s going to pass. That doesn’t mean the underlying issue causing my fear is resolved. But it does allow me to calm the fight or flight response so I can deal with the underlying issue with greater awareness. It lets me put fear in its place so I can get on with my life.
3. Use it as fuel
When you begin to pay attention to the body’s response to fear, you start to notice that it closely mimics more empowering emotions—like excitement. When I’m totally jazzed, my heartbeat elevates, my breathing gets faster, my muscles feel stronger. It’s not an exact mirror, but it can be enough to transmute the energy towards a different course. This works particularly well for in-the-moment fears—like the fear of public speaking or the fear of making a sales call. By using the fear as a fuel, you can literally channel its energy to accomplish the very goal that’s scaring you—allowing the jitters to manifest as enthusiasm or passion.
Being afraid is fine, but letting it consume us is not. If we truly care about ourselves, the people around us, and society at large, it’s imperative that we learn to manage our fears rather than releasing our nervous, anxious, and agitated energy into the world. If you have different strategies for handling fear, share them with us. Let’s figure out how to do this together.
Terrific information! I love your idea of changing the fear scenario to the opposite. Instead of the worry for a future happening, it allows me to create a positive future happening. Wow, I feel better already. Thanks so much!
It’s a really fun practice.