There was a time when the word “trigger” was mostly used as a noun, as in: “Watch out, he’s going to pull the trigger!” These days, though, trigger has become an active—and potentially overused—verb, as in: “That really inappropriate remark totally triggered me!”

But what does it actually mean when we’re triggered? After all, five people can be standing in a room listening to the exact same inappropriate remark, but only one person is triggered by it. Why is that? Are the other four people just insensitive? Are they bigots? Or is it possible that being triggered is an inside job?

The world according to you

I apologize in advance if my opinion here triggers you but, after years of dedicating myself to living a life that is conscious and carefree, I have come to realize that we’re solely responsible for how we react to the world around us. In essence, that means that if a comment, or experience, or world event makes us exceptionally uncomfortable, angry, or provoked, it’s entirely due to our personal perception of right and wrong.

Here’s the thing: we can’t control the circumstances that take place outside us. We can’t control what other people say or think. We can only control how we choose to react. When we push back against the things that make us uncomfortable with anger, venom, or even by retreating, we don’t change the fact that those events already happened. All we really do is feed them by adding fuel to their fire.

Another path

I’d like to propose another path. Rather than getting up in arms the next time you feel triggered, try not to push back. Instead, see what it feels like to let the event or experience pass right through you without hitting your stuff.

This doesn’t mean that you choose not to respond to an insult or negative experience. It just means that you make that response a choice—not a knee-jerk reaction. We aren’t Pavlov’s dogs. Just because someone rings our bell, we don’t need to salivate. Instead, we can let it pass through us like wind or air. When we do that, our response can come from a place of clarity. And you might just decide that no response is fine as well.

I know this may sound crazy, but when the world hits our stuff it’s actually a kind of gift. It’s a cue that we’re holding on to a story that is controlling us—which makes it really difficult to see the truth through the haze. When we notice we’ve been triggered, we’ve been given an opportunity to let go of that story and respond to what’s really happening, rather than to our interpretation of what’s really happening. So, instead of freaking, say thank you. Maybe this is the universe’s way to teach us how to be gentler—not just with the people around us, but with ourselves.