I was working with a fitness instructor recently and she said that she didn’t feel good.  She was not aware of it, but she was saying it repeatedly.  It was a mental complaint, not a physical one.  I thought to myself, does she realize that we get what we ask for?  When we affirm something negative in thought or language, it unconsciously repeats itself in our minds over and over again.  If we understand this pattern of repetition, why wouldn’t we practice proper thinking and communication as adults?  What keeps us from speaking right action or affirming what we want?

What are you thinking?

If we were corrected with negativity as a child, we have a tendency to tell ourselves negative statements as adults.  Negativity in thought and speech is a learned habit or pattern.  Unless we consciously change our thoughts and language to what we want, it is conceivable that we will continue to have what we don’t want.  This has been referred to as the Law of Attraction.  Law of Attraction says that you will attract more of what you are thinking, saying, and feeling.  The more you think about something, the more you talk about something, the more you talk about something, the more you bring something about, so we need to take a look at what we’re thinking!

Negativity is the norm

As a society we are taught to complain about things that are not to our liking, instead of asking for what we want.  Unfortunately, most people don’t know what they want.  If someone is feverously complaining about something and you ask them what they want, many people will have a difficult time answering.  On the other hand, if you ask someone what makes them miserable, they will answer you immediately with a list of 20 things.  Have you noticed that?  If you ask what makes them happy, they will pause and say, “uh, I don’t know.”  In order for us to ask clearly for what we want, we need to become more aware of the things that make us feel good.

Seeking solutions

I use complaint, especially reoccurring complaint, as a call to action.  Why would I continue to harp on a negative circumstance without resolving it?  What a waste of energy!  Not resolving an issue takes up space in our brain.  In the coaching world we call this phenomenon a “toleration.”  A toleration is an unresolved thing or issue.  A toleration could be a check engine light that comes on each time you start your car or blinds that come loose each time you close them at night.  It could also be an unresolved conflict with a friend.  My goal is to live toleration free and teach my clients to do the same; as this breeds a great deal of fulfillment.  When people have nothing to complain about, they can move forward at a steady pace, and life is much sweeter.  It’s not that you never complain about something, it’s that if you do talk about it, you seek solution or resolution of what you would like to have happen.  Not incessantly repeat the story of the problem.

Be specific

The game changer here is a reminder to ask for what you want.  Be specific!  The people around you will appreciate it because they won’t feel like they have to guess, walk around on eggshells, or disappoint you.

Watch your thoughts like a hawk.  If you harp on about what you don’t want, correct yourself with what you would like instead.  Be vocal about it, be courageous, be willing to get a little uncomfortable if necessary…this is what leads us to our greatest growth.  And who doesn’t want to grow?  Because if we’re not busy living, we’re busy transitioning elsewhere!  Let’s use our time here wisely.  Let’s do all we can.  Practice asking for what you want.  When you see the tides turning because of your courage, and manifest things you only dreamed of, you’ll be very happy you did!