I was helping my son figure out his next steps in life today. He shared how happy he was about where he is and how much he’s enjoying his life. This was music to my ears. As a few quiet tears ran down his face, he said he was not sure if he was ready to leave for college in the Fall, that it may be too soon for him, and he realized he had not yet settled on the college of his dreams. He received his first acceptance, so it isn’t a matter of not getting in. I feel for him. I’m not sure who decided at the age of 18 we are adults, who are supposed to go away from our home, friends, and loved ones, live by ourselves, and all of a sudden figure life out on our own. Getting to know ourselves takes time.
Even as adults, we are often unsure about what steps to take or what territory to explore next. Sometimes we don’t have a grand plan and we’re unsure of the next juncture in our lives. I explained to my son that this is quite normal, especially at his age, but I also explained to him that much of life is this way; the road sign ahead is not always a blinking green light telling you when to go or which way to turn. I told him the greatest things that have occurred for me thus far in my life happened before I thought I was ready. I said yes first, before knowing what to do with it. One of my favorite quotes which still rules the day, “my life is a performance of which I have yet to rehearse.” Much of my life has been the act of jumping without yet being able to see the net. Or being thrown into a pool, without first being taught to swim. Have you ever felt this way?
When I look back, I realize that trusting myself is how I have gotten where I am. Saying yes first is how I up-leveled and continue to do so today. I explained to my son, for me, life unfolded one opportunity at a time. When I felt strongly about one decision, it turned into the next, and the next. I followed a chain reaction of gut instincts over time, gentle tugs on my heart strings, whispers to follow my passion, take the road less traveled, and help others do the same. We’re invited to go in certain directions in our lives; our job is to be present with both feet on the ground and pay attention.
I have always been drawn to peak performance. Since the age of 15, I was fascinated by self-esteem and communication. I had no idea what I would do with those topics, but always felt confident. Money did not define wealth for me, but the freedom to do what I want, when I wanted, was my prize. I knew I loved Sociology, wanted divine partnership, to raise happy children, and enjoy my life. Growing up, I never noticed a lot of happiness with the “American Dream.” I watched both my parents work themselves to the bone, chasing the almighty dollar, exhausted, self-defeating, or suffering heart attacks; which can get in the way of enjoying your life. Everything society promoted and drove people to compete for brought disharmony and dis-ease. This is not what life is about. The prize, in life, is different for each of us. Every so often we need to pause, reflect, and define what that prize is.
As we often need to do with ourselves, I reminded my son that I trust him and believe in his ability to know what is good for him. I told him we are here, and he does not need to know his entire plan up front. I reminded him how many great decisions he has already made; like wise friends, an ambitious young woman he’s dating, and enjoying work he loves while surrounded by caring people. I pointed out the beautiful relationships he has with his parents and siblings, and how he adores his home life. My son has relished being a water polo star, popular among peers, and to top it off… everywhere I go, people actually stop me and tell me what a fine young man he is. I find this remarkable. What more could a parent ask for?
Just like my son, we don’t always see the big picture right away; but we can say yes first, with confidence, and tune into the frequencies of what is right for us in this moment. We can pay attention to the feelings and signs, and look at the amount of joy we are experiencing in our lives. We won’t always make the green light, because sometimes we need to slow down, go with the flow, or stop and wait before heading in the right direction. Saying yes first opens opportunities and worlds that may not have appeared otherwise. Listening internally, releasing distractions, and tuning in are key. Sometimes trusting and having faith in your progress… is the big picture. You may never get the guarantee you want or the permission you need from others to move ahead. Your best bet is to take the time to really get to know yourself, who you are today, take a deep breath… and jump!
Fabulous. Thank you
Can I add that that young man is, additionally, devilishly handsome? Hats off to mother and son.